What can I say, the last 3 weeks have been uncomfortable at best. I came back from DC around the 16th of January, to be honest I can't remember anymore. Overall it was a good visit, I had made some progress but the nurse assured me this 2nd round of med's would be much harder than the 1st. I wondered to myself if they do that so you don't get your hopes up when your not feeling better. Boy was I wrong! I don't want to say harder because I don't think what I am going through is hard UNCOMFORTABLE... VERY. Not only has this 2nd round kicked my ass, but that white box on the left of the picture cost more than GOLD... for three weeks worth of medication!!!! I almost fainted when I got the total. Then I took the actual drug "MEPRON", it's the devil. It fucks with your brain, never in my life have I taken mind altering drugs and after Mepron, I'll never need to.
I wish I could explain to you what it feels like to feel the bugs dying inside my body. The crazy thing is the worse you feel the better. Try convincing yourself that it's good that your hands are shaking so bad you have to put them under the table when your in a meeting so people don't stare. Or the fact that you need a 4 hr nap after work because even when your sleeping the med's are working and it's normal to not feel rested no matter how many total hours of sleep you get. If you sleep too much everything hurts, not only are you still tired but it feels like there is a hot piece of iron shoved up your spinal chord and the inside of your chest cavity hurts. Even though you have chest pains don't freak out it's just because your body is sore from all the sleeping and there is nothing wrong with your line. Lyme disease is a game your body plays with your brain.
This go around I find it hard to keep my spirits up. Dare I say it... I'm TIRED of getting up every morning at 6 am so I can go get my drugs every morning which take 2 hrs to infuse. Only to go back in the evening for 2 more hours. Lucky me it's only MWF but it still sucks. Oh I almost forgot, TTHSaSu I only have to go in for a total of 2 hrs for some fluids. Lyme is taking up too much time in my life. I can't wait for the day this line in my chest comes out and I can get an extra 4 hrs to my days back. PLUS every week they have to change my dressing, my skin around my line is pissed. I'm convinced my first layer of skin has come off with every dressing change it screams bloody murder every time they clean the area. I'm tired of people saying, "You don't look sick." That's the other thing about Lyme, it eats your body from the inside out PEOPLE, you don't look sick because your hair doesn't fall out all at once only a little at a time. If you watch your diet and cut out all the genetically engineered shit like corn, gluten, sugar, and wheat you loose weight instead of gaining the 50lbs everyone talks about because of the side effects of antibiotics. Oh and one more thing, I really miss being able to shower. It really sucks having to take a 1/2 body bath and use a hand towel to wash your upper body and avoid getting the line wet. It's not my favorite thing in the world to wash my hair in the sink and have to ask for help because I usually don't wash it right if I do it by myself.
I believe I just had my pity party of course only I was invited but I don't mind if your a fly on the wall. This is the part where I suck it up and through God's GRACE make it through the rest of my journey with a side of humility.
Back to DC this weekend for the beginning of the 3rd round of treatment. I'm not looking forward to the flight up there. The bugs get pissed off so they pester me more than when I don't travel. I usually fall asleep before the plane takes off and wake up right as it lands. As soon as I get to the hotel I sleep for about 6 hrs on average just to recover from the flight. I'll leave you with a picture of a hand full of pills. This is what happens when you forget to take your med's with dinner and end up having to take them together with your batch of HS (Hour of Sleep) Med's. lol
